i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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