I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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