He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I smell like Dick and happiness
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