Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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