dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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