drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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