i think my tv is drunk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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