non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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