If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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