i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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