Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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