I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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