so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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