So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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