Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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