I think I died a long time ago.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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