Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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