Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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