I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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