you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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