I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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