Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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