somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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