I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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