At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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