Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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