bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize