Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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