I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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