My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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