somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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