It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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