just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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