lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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