He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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