i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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