I should be sponsored by Trojan
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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