Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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