I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize