don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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