You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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