Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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