He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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