My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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