Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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