the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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