So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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