wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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