Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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