I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize